The Adventures of Missouri Karen

Having just written a post about the subtleties of the Karen phenomenon, I thought it might be interesting to explore some regional differences regarding it, here in the Midwest, and in Missouri in particular.  People do things a little differently around here. 

I submit for your approval and edification:

The Adventures of Missouri Karen

 Missouri Karen walks into a restaurant. She isn't wearing shoes, and she has her unleashed Pitt Bull with her. She is coughing effusively and is not wearing a mask. She parked her 1992 Dodge Ram facing the big window of the restaurant, and because it was a hot day, she left the engine running with the A/C on "high," and the headlights set to "bright," effectively blinding everyone facing outward at the four tables by the window.

She sits down and orders black coffee, and a bowl of gravy for her dog. The waitress brings the coffee and the bowl of gravy to the table, sets the coffee down on the table and the bowl of gravy on the floor by the dog.

The dog tests the gravy with one delicate lap of its tongue and then sits and stares at Missouri Karen, as if something is wrong.

Missouri Karen reached down, gets the bowl, and, holding it with both hands, tilts it toward her mouth and drinks about half of it down.  She sets the bowl on the table and calls the waitress over.

"This gravy is not hot. It's just luke warm,”  she says.

The waitress picks up the bowl and tilts it to her mouth and takes a sip, and then sets the empty bowl back onto the table.

"You're right," she says, and then apologizes profusely, leaves and returns with another bowl of gravy. It is steaming hot. She sets it on the floor.

The dog tastes the gravy and burns its tongue, expressing its displeasure by running through the restaurant barking and snarling and biting people on their ankles and calves.

The manager notices the commotion that ensues and comes out onto the floor. He tells Missouri Karen to pay up for the coffee and two bowls of gravy and take her damn dog and get out. 

Missouri Karen takes it in stride--been here, done this before. She pays and starts out the door when another customer speaks to her.  He is a leathery, middle aged man with a long, white ponytail and a white beard and mustache.  He is dressed in a black Harley Davidson tee shirt and old denim overhauls. “Is that your piece of crap Dodge Ram?" he says.  "I had one once but I finally got smart and pushed it off a cliff.”

Now Missouri Karen glares indignantly at the biker, walks out and gets in her truck and backs into the Harley parked across from her and knocks it over. Gasoline gurgles out of the upended tank and forms a puddle. 

Missouri Karen lights a cigarette, gestures at the crowd forming at the window and drives off after flicking the lit cigarette butt into the puddle of gasoline.  There are flames, and a small explosion. Missouri Karen drives away.

No one makes a video of this because everyone has flip-phones from 2003. No one sues anyone, and no lessons are learned. Two patrons ask if there is any more gravy left. There is, but the waitress has already quit her job over an unrelated incident in the rear dining area. 

The End

In Defense of Karen, but not too Much

I just finished working my way through one of those click-bait memes featuring a bunch of funny "Karen" incidents found on the Internet. And most of them were pretty funny--like the woman who got mad at a restaurant because she and her little dog were not allowed to dine and that policy was not mentioned on the company's web site. Stuff like that. 

My question is, where do you draw the line?  When does complaining to a store employee become a "Karen" incident, and when is a complaint justified? Under what circumstances does asking to speak to the manager become too Karen? 

Everybody has a story. Everybody has several stories, to be more precise. I won't bore you here. And I've been a Karen, myself, on occasion. I think to be honest we all have at one time or another. So, has this always been this way? Is it just the Internet that highlights what is and has always been a sort of universal thing involving businesses and customers? 

When I was in high school I worked as a gas jockey and encountered lots and lots of Karens--people who if they acted that way today would have been dressed down properly so many times it seems they would have been embarrassed to go out in public anymore. At that time, though--it was the Sixties--gas stations in particular advertised heavily in a manner that tried to make the customer a sort of King for the Day. Now, my gas station didn't make us wear little military style uniforms, but the idea was, we were the Privates, the customers were the officers. And they knew it. 

Somewhere along the line that went away, and I suppose the driving force behind the Karen phenomenon is that disillusionment, that lagging realization that Corporate is King now, and your request to see the manager is not a cost-effective scenario for it, and our $7/hour employee will (perhaps gleefully) show you to the door. 

But it can't be that the customer in these sorts of situations is at fault, or is being unreasonable, every single time. 'S'all I'm sayin'. And, as is the case almost every time I start to bitch about something and start writing it out, it sort of dawns on me that the issue is more complex than first perceived. Of course nothing on the Internet is allowed to get too complex. Gawd. Who are you to write long paragraphs about stuff?  That's not entertaining me very much. Get a life.